True Being

Today I am aware of being my self in my most basic form.  Over the years I have moved toward a more authentic way of living.  That is happening in its most clear form ever for me.  It creates in me a rare sense of happiness, peace, and calm, even in the midst of unknown circumstances.  Natural outward responses of this true being are gratitude and happiness.  I am living in a beautiful natural environment that emerged out of my choices toward this authentic living.  My life feels large because I feel connected with Large Life itself.  I have a gentle, consistent sense of well-being.  These are the outcomes of my insistence on living an authentic life.  This spring season is nurturing all of this, and encouraging me to grow even more.  It's all good.

"To wake up to 

who we are 

what we are here for.

To make all life

more poetical, more sane

more living, loving

To experience

the true of all things

this moment...

this moment...

this moment.      

                                                     --William Segal

May Day

I am so enjoying the unfolding of Spring, and the bursting of wildflowers in my environment.  There is such a palpable growth energy, as new plants emerge from the ground and green leaves unfurl from branches and stems.  My outdoor walks remind me of the abundance of this world, and of the beauty that is always here for us to enjoy. This time is a celebration of life coming forward out of winter's darkness.
At the same time my life is full of changes.  These changes can, and usually do, elicit fear responses in me.  I want to immediately send out a "mayday" signal of distress.  This would be senseless, because there really is no immediate danger or life-threatening event.  It is only old responses that want to resist the change.  They want to cry out, warning of some imagined, yet non-existent, disaster.  My focus is on stepping into the changes with courage and directness, while also noticing these errant feelings so that they may release and dissolve.   I lean on Creative Presence to guide my way. 

"Transformation occurs only when we remember, breath after breath, year after year, to move toward our emotional distress without condemning or justifying our experiences."
                                                               --Pema Chodron    

Staying Open

Openness is the gateway for change.  I am always at the threshold of this doorway.  If I constrict myself, I prevent myself from receiving the fullness of change.  My task is to relax, to be in the moment, and to trust that goodness is always flowing toward me.  Change is the vehicle that moves us from one place to another.  We can choose to ride along smoothly and easily, or keep one foot on the brake pedal and impede our forward movement.  It is challenging to choose to befriend Change.  And yet, that is very much my current task.  Smile.  Change is good.

"Fundamentally, experiencing openness is having trust in the living quality of basic energy.  We develop the confidence to allow it to arise, to linger and then to pass on.  This energy is dynamic, ungraspable, always in a state of flux.  So our training is, first of all, noticing how we block the energy or freeze it, how we tense up our bodies and minds.  Then we train in softening, relaxing and opening to the energy without interpretations or judgments."       
                                                                            --Pema Chodron

Solitude

This word sometimes has a bit of a lonely connotation to it.  I have spent much of my life in the experience of solitude, sometimes liking it, sometimes not.  Lately, however, my experience of solitude has been a gift; a blessing.  I am in the process of learning that being in solitude is not being alone.  My times of solitude have been an amazing time of forging a strong relationship with All That Is.  There is a new experience I'm having of feeling my connection with Source.  It is a feeling of being fully surrounded and supported by the Love and Care that is unseen, but is very real and present.  That feeling is all-sustaining and fulfilling.  I am growing stronger on this path daily.  In our culture we think we need to have other people in our lives to complete us.  This stringent path I'm following has shown me that this belief keeps us from bonding with our Source as the foundational relationship of our lives.  When we have a primary relationship with Divine Presence, all of our other relationships can be healthier, and more satisfying.

"You are all we have.

You give us what we need. 

Our lives are in your hands, O [Source],

Our lives are in your hands."

         --words from a song, You are All We Have, by Francis Patrick O'Brien

   

Wholeness

Wholeness is who we are.  It is our birthright.  We are born in wholeness.  We live in wholeness.  We come from wholeness.  Anytime we don't feel like we are whole beings it is a mistaken perception caused by some overlay of earthly life--cultural expectation, injury, sadness, guilt, addiction, disconnectedness.  When we are here on earth, many layers of false instruction and opinion are heaped on us throughout life.  They are false to us individually if they fail to move us freely into the energy of our true selves.  What is false for me may be true for you, and vice versa.  It is the responsibility of each of us to find our own truth.  To learn what connects us with our wholeness, and keeps us moving toward that energy.  This is a lifelong task, but its rewards are great.  Living in wholeness allows us to relax into ourselves.  It brings us joy, freedom, comfort, and the ability to have our work feel like play.  Life becomes an exhilarating adventure.  Wholeness.  Bring it.

"The psyche has within it a natural gradient toward wholeness, and while one may attempt to ignore nature, the body attempts to remain in harmony with it in order to incubate the totality.  Prolonged abuse may result in an illness which brings the totality to consciousness.  Here is the paradox.  While the pieces of the puzzle gradually build toward the whole, at some point we must have a vision of wholeness in order to put the pieces into perspective.  Once the voice crying at the heart of the addiction is heard, then the [addiction] can be seen for what it is:  an attempt to obliterate the crying.  Then the [addiction] need no longer tantalize the two sides of the complex; spiritual food can feed the soul.  Neurotic frenzy can be replaced by real energy."   
                                                                   --Marion Woodman

"Whole-- An amount or quantity from which nothing is left out or held back."

                                                                   --Roget's Thesaurus

 

Comfort

I don't exactly know what I want to say about this idea.  I have lately found myself sequentially rolling through a series of feelings that hasn't included the thought of comfort.  And yet today, this is the word that comes, and this is the experience I've had in the present.  In the midst of uncertainty, large change, and the Unknown, I am feeling comforted by getting to be peaceful and calm.  Also, I've felt a very authentic connection with my day's activities and with the people I've encountered through some of those activities.  This connection has translated into a feeling of comfort--comfort with myself, my life, my true life's unfolding.  I am surprised by this awareness.  It feels like it may be fleeting, but I am enjoying it while it's here.  Deep gratitude is a natural result of this experience of comfort.

"Whenever we experience happiness and peace, we are at the gate where the medicines of laughter, joy, and fun can flourish.  At [this gate] we begin to experience the wisdom gifts of peace, balance, and equanimity.  From the beauty of the time that we spend in nature and the mystery that we find in the sweet territory of silence, we draw a primal comfort, solace, and grace that deepens our connection to our inherent spirituality."                   
                                                                 --Angeles Arrien 

Wild

I feel like I am living a wild life.  Not wild in a way that is unmanageable.  But wild in the same way that animals and plants live in the wild.  I have been having the experience of living in a very changeable world.  My own life is full of changes.  Some are imperceptible to me, others are right there, drawing me forward.  I am right now living in the wild environment of the Pacific Northwest.  There is an energy here that inspires me to live more authentically from my wild self.  I like it, but it's unpredictable.  In a good way.  It feels somewhat like controlled chaos.  All is well. 

"...I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, 
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I've been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?  Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
                                                                                --Mary Oliver