Holding Steady

New life can have its challenges.  Some days feel dark and cloudy to me.  Often the challenges come in the form of anxiety and discomfort--old messages that need to make noise to get my attention.  They need to make noise because this is their final hearing.  They recognize the new life that is happening, and they have been called forward to transition out of my life.  In the midst of this process the voices feel overwhelming, until a moment comes when I once again have the experience of feeling affirmed in my new life.  It's a give and take--a push and pull.  I move forward.  I acknowledge resistance.  I continue to move forward.  Staying on track with true life/true self is my task.

"This being human is a guest house.  
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor

Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house 
empty of its furniture.

Still treat each guest honorably,
He [she] may be clearing you out 
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent 
as a guide from beyond."

--Jelaluddin Rumi         

Dewy and New

I am breathing new life.  Breath of life beginning.  New, soft breath.  Fresh breath.  I am learning to be in these new moments.  Feeling my way into something that has just begun to grow.  For now, I am spending gentle time.  I'm listening for ways to nourish, encourage, and care for this new life.  Breathe...

"May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder."

                                                               -John O'Donohue

 

Letting Go

This picture says it all.  In the process of change we must be willing to let go.  To let go of the comfort of the "pod"--the place we once knew, where we've come from, and what's familiar.  My fear rises to the surface when I think of this.  I remind myself that the fear is old, and not helpful, and it comes forward for acknowledgment and release.   And then I look at the gift I get to take with me when I let go.  There is the seed of my huge new life--the essence of my becoming--that goes with me and flies on the breeze.  It finds fertile soil, waits for the right conditions, and then it slowly begins to emerge with a life force of its own.  All things move in a natural order and progression.  It is my job to stay in and with the unfolding; to remain engaged in the process.

"Only to the extent that we let go into change can we live in harmony with those around us and with our own true nature.  No matter what the situation, awakening requires trust:  trust in the greater cycles of life, trust that something new will eventually be born, trust that whatever it is, is perfect.  Wise letting go is not a detached removal from life.  It is the heart's embrace of life itself, a willing opening to the full reality of the present."                              -Jack Kornfield   

Growing

I am growing, changing, becoming.  In the hands of the Creator.  I don't know anything.  I am starting at square one.  Living my life differently--it's unknown territory.  I'm being pulled forward; allowing myself to be pulled forward.  There's a lot I don't know.  I am opening to being shown by the all-knowing Source.

"As you choose intentions that come from love, you will create healthy, constructive, good-feeling consequences.  As you become aware of everything that you're feeling, you become aware of everything that you're feeling, and often much of that is painful, until it has been released.  More joy, less  pain.  More love, less fear."                 -Gary Zukav  

Warmth and Kindness

In the Buddhist tradition there is a meditation for lovingkindness in which you hold yourself in your own awareness with love.  In our western culture, this is a challenging exercise.  An essential element of this loving attention is the act of forgiveness.  One way I feel I have neglected to practice this is in shining that compassion on myself.  I am aware that I have needed to offer forgiveness to myself for those decisions I've made in my life that were not in my best interest.  Because I had not taken the time to nurture myself--to hold myself in loving awareness--I was not connected with my own Source.  In those times I made decisions that kept me from living my true life and caring for myself in the best way.  Today I hold myself in that loving space, and I release those moments of carelessness.

"The time has come to turn your heart 
Into a temple of fire.
Your essence is gold hidden in dust.
To reveal its splendor 
You need to burn in the fire of Love."
                              --Jelaluddin Rumi     

Gathering

For me, this is a time of gathering.  I am gathering strength, wisdom, clarity of heart, and trust.  All of this is preparing me for new life expression.  It is a time for discerning what is most important, and receiving the available energy of this new unfolding.

"Experience is the arena where this whole adventure happens.  The hidden structures of experience become the windows of being.  This is how we unfold and enter deeper into knowing.  Our times are so passionate and absorbed.  It is a great era to be in the world; there are so many new horizons opening up all the time."

    -John O'Donohue